JRE
Thug Rock - Nothing gets a thugs heart racing like the sounds
of some bomb diggity beat droppin. Personally I (Modus) prefer to
listen to smooth jazz while commiting wanton acts of thuggery. Let
me tell you guys when I hear Michael Bolton sing "When A Man Loves
A Woman" it just does something deep down in my soul. Ha! Who am
I kidding! That guy is such an asshole!
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JRE
Jam Hall - A thug can’t always beat up nerds up in real life.
Sometimes you have to know when you’re thinning the nerd-herd too
much and let them breed and repopulate their native home turf (Star
Trek conventions). A little history about video games - back in
the 70’s Dungeons and Dragons began to emerge and nerds just started
having a little too much fun. Not content to roll dice and notch
broadswords on paper the thugs captured top nerd scientists (really
they’re all scientists) and forced them to create video games in
slave labor camps. And that’s how it began folks. Honest.
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JRE
Cinema - When Lord Frank Kamehameha created our beautiful planet
of JREica he spoke the following words, "Shut up ass-jerk! I can’t
hear the television." Of course he was speaking to the great Thuggadonis
who had an uncanny ability to always start talking right when something
important would happen on the Love Boat. No wonder Kamehameha smote
Thuggodonis (we’ll talk about this later).
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JRE
Brewhouse - The liquid coursing through the veins of a real
JREman is comprised of 98% beer. There might be some blood and other
unimportant stuff but because of this it’s no wonder that here at
The JRE we’re so fond of frosty alcoholic beverages. All other beverages
are inferior and it’s absurd that professional athletes actually
drink water. Absolutely no nutritional value can come of that. Well
- at least in bowling they’ve got it right…
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JRE
Library - While mostly reserved for nerds The JRE do enjoy a
good book now and then. I’m not going to lie folks - illiteracy
is as big an issue in JREica as intolerance. As such not a whole
lot of book reading goes on here. If the book has pictures (big
pictures) and large print text it sure helps. But to get right down
to brass tacks who the hell wants to read a book when you can just
turn on the television? Most books were written by the devil anyway
- and TV is twice as fast!
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| JRE
R&D Lab - Down in the deepest subterrainian levels of JRE
HQ resides the R&D Labs. Some of the greatest inventions of our
time were developed here by Modus. For instance - the Beat Suit
5000, the garden hose, the automatic ship-bow mounted billy club
turret that fires 1,000 billy clubs per second right into the faces
of manatees, walri, and other woodland creatures. Modus has won
so many Nobel prizes that instead of showing them prou dly in a
handsome display case he melts them down for ammunition. Alloys
are hard to come by on JREica, what?!? |
